Navigating Change in the Midst of Grief

Navigating Change in the Midst of Grief

Grief has a way of unraveling the familiar. It takes the world we once knew and tilts it, shifting everything in ways we never expected. In the immediate aftermath of losing someone we love, the pain is raw, our emotions are unsteady, and our sense of direction feels blurred. It’s in these moments that making big decisions can be especially risky. Yet, sometimes, we find ourselves doing just that—making choices that will shape our future at a time when we can barely make it through the day.

After losing my mom, we made a major decision just days after her passing. In some ways, we are still paying the consequences of that choice. And monetarily after almost two years, it cost us in the six figure range. Remember, all actions have consequences—some good, some bad—and this one we are still navigating over a year later. At the time, it felt necessary. But looking back, I can see that grief clouded our judgment, and we made choices that we might have approached differently had we given ourselves more time.

The Fog of Grief and Decision-Making

Experts often advise against making major life changes soon after a loss, and there’s a profound reason behind it. Grief isn’t just an emotional response—it impacts our brain function, our ability to process rational thought, and our sense of stability. Studies have shown that acute grief affects the prefrontal cortex, which governs decision-making and impulse control. When we’re in a heightened emotional state, we tend to make choices based on immediate relief rather than long-term wisdom.

Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a renowned grief counselor, explains, "You cannot heal what you do not allow yourself to feel." This rings especially true when we find ourselves making major life changes too soon. Sometimes, in our desperation to regain control or ease the pain, we act impulsively, assuming that a big move, a new job, or a drastic shift will somehow make the loss more bearable. But grief isn’t something we can outrun. It will meet us wherever we go.

Common Big Decisions After Loss & Their Challenges

1. Selling or Moving Homes – A home can hold powerful memories, both comforting and painful. Many feel the urge to move, thinking a change of scenery will help with healing. However, leaving a home too soon can sometimes add layers of regret and emotional distress. Not to mention, selling and buying a new home is very dry stressful, and stress is nothing something you need to add to your early grief journey.

2. Quitting or Changing Jobs – Work can feel meaningless in the wake of loss, leading to hasty career decisions. But job stability can be a much-needed anchor during grief.

3. Ending or Starting Relationships – Grief can amplify emotions, making us more susceptible to making rash choices in friendships or romantic relationships.

4. Financial Decisions – Handling inheritance, property sales, or major purchases should ideally be approached with caution, as grief can impair judgment.

5. Making Legal Arrangements – Adjusting wills, settling estates, or making legal changes too soon may result in overlooking important details due to emotional strain.

Navigating Change When Grieving

If you’re facing major life decisions while grieving, consider these guiding principles:

1. Give Yourself Time – The general rule of thumb is to avoid major life changes for at least six months to a year after a significant loss. Unless a decision is urgent, allow yourself time to settle into your new reality before making significant choices.

2. Lean on Others – Consult with trusted friends, family, or professionals. A second opinion can provide clarity when emotions are overwhelming.

3. Consider Temporary Solutions – Instead of rushing into permanent decisions, explore short-term options. If moving feels necessary, consider renting before selling. If quitting a job is tempting, explore extended leave options first.

4. Write It Out – Journaling your thoughts can help bring clarity. Make a pros-and-cons list and revisit it when emotions feel more settled.

5. Accept That Every Choice Has Consequences – Some choices will have lasting impacts, both positive and negative. It’s okay to make mistakes, but be mindful that grief can magnify regret. Approach decisions with as much clarity as possible.

6. Seek Professional Guidance – Therapists, financial advisors, or grief counselors can provide objective insights that help navigate decisions with greater awareness.

How to Know When You’re Ready for Change

While it’s important to avoid rushed decisions, there will come a time when change is necessary and even beneficial. Here are some signs that you might be ready to embrace change in a healthier way:

• Your decision comes from a place of peace rather than escape.

• You have clarity on why you’re making the change and its potential long-term impact.

• You’ve sought outside perspectives and feel confident in your choice.

• You feel emotionally stable, even if sadness still lingers.

• You are making the decision for yourself, not to please others or avoid pain.

What I've Learned

Looking back, there are many lessons I’ve taken from the experience of making decisions in grief. The biggest one is this: time is one of the most valuable tools we have in healing. I’ve learned that patience, while difficult and not at all my strongest trait, often prevents unnecessary regret. I’ve learned that clarity doesn’t come overnight and that sometimes, waiting is the best decision we can make.

I’ve also realized that grief does not follow a straight path. The urge to change something—anything—after loss is natural, but it’s important to ask whether the change is truly needed or just an attempt to numb the pain. Grief must be faced, not avoided. And while some decisions may feel right in the moment, they can come with long-term challenges we don’t foresee.

Finally, I’ve learned to give myself grace. No one grieves perfectly. No one moves through loss without making mistakes along the way. The key is to learn from them, to grow, and to allow healing to unfold in its own time.

Embracing Change When the Time is Right

Grief changes us. It shifts our priorities, alters our relationships, and forces us to confront life in ways we never had to before. But when we allow ourselves the space to grieve first, we can step into change with a clearer mind and a heart that has had time to process the loss.

One of my favorite quotes by C.S. Lewis is, "Courage, dear heart." Because that’s what it takes—to sit with our grief, to allow time to guide us, and to trust that when the time comes to make a change, we’ll be ready.

If you’re grieving and feeling the weight of change, be gentle with yourself. The world may feel different now, but you don’t have to navigate it all at once. Step by step, breath by breath, you will find your way and embrace change in the midst of grief.