What Grief Really Feels Like: Breaking Myths and Embracing Reality

Grief is one of those life experiences that everyone believes they understand until it happens to them. It’s not something you can fully prepare for, even if you see it coming. When loss strikes, it doesn’t just tap lightly on your shoulder—it crashes through your life, leaving you to piece together a new version of reality. For many, the reality of grief is far different than the myths we’ve been told. In this post, I want to explore those misconceptions and share what grief has taught me so far.

Myth #1: Grief Follows a Linear Path

Perhaps the most common myth about grief is the idea that it progresses through predictable stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While these stages can provide a framework for understanding emotions, they rarely unfold in a neat, linear order. For me, grief felt more like a tangled ball of emotions. One day, I’d feel a sense of peace; the next, I’d be blindsided by anger or an overwhelming wave of sadness. Grief is messy, unpredictable, and deeply personal.

When others who haven’t experienced grief push this myth, it can feel invalidating. They may suggest you should “move on” or question why you’re revisiting feelings you’ve “already been through.” Coping with this requires patience—both with yourself and with others. It can help to gently educate them: “Grief doesn’t follow a straight line for me. I’m working through it in my own way and time.” Surrounding yourself with people who understand this reality can also be a great comfort.

Myth #2: Time Heals All Wounds

“Give it time,” people say. While time can soften the sharp edges of pain, it doesn’t erase it. Grief is not something you “get over”—it’s something you learn to live with. Over time, I’ve discovered that grief doesn’t shrink; instead, I’ve grown around it. The pain of loss becomes part of you, shaping your perspective and your heart in ways you never expected.

When someone insists that time alone will fix things, it’s okay to set boundaries. You might say, “I know you mean well, but my healing isn’t just about time passing. It’s about learning how to carry this pain and still move forward.” Engaging in activities that bring you peace—whether that’s journaling, talking to a therapist, or spending time in nature—can help you find moments of solace even when time feels slow.

Myth #3: Grief Is Only About Sadness

Before experiencing it, I thought grief was synonymous with sorrow. But grief is a kaleidoscope of emotions. There’s anger—at the world, at the unfairness of it all. There’s guilt—for what you said or didn’t say, did or didn’t do. There’s even laughter—moments when memories bring joy, even in the midst of tears. Grief is a paradox, holding space for seemingly conflicting feelings.

People who haven’t grieved may not understand this complexity. They might expect you to “just be sad” or question moments of joy: “How can you laugh when you’re grieving?” You can respond by explaining, “Grief is multifaceted. Sometimes laughter is the way I honor the happy memories. It doesn’t mean I’m not hurting.” Giving yourself permission to feel all the emotions—without guilt—is key to navigating this myth.

Myth #4: You Have to Be Strong All the Time

“Stay strong” is well-meaning advice, but it can feel like an impossible standard. Grieving isn’t about always holding it together; it’s about allowing yourself to feel. Some days, “strength” looks like getting out of bed. Other days, it’s letting yourself cry until you have no tears left. Real strength lies in vulnerability and honesty about what you’re going through.

When people urge you to “stay strong,” it can be helpful to redefine strength for them: “Strength isn’t about suppressing my feelings. It’s about facing them, even when it’s hard.” Leaning on trusted friends, joining support groups, or seeking professional help are all ways to honor your need for both strength and support.

My Personal Reality of Grief

Grief, for me, has been a teacher—albeit a harsh one. It’s taught me that it’s okay not to be okay. It’s shown me the importance of self-compassion, of leaning on others, and of finding small moments of light in the darkest days. Grief has also removed the fluff for me. I was a people pleaser to the detriment of myself, but after losing both my parents, taking on some of the responsibilities my dad held for my mom, and then having to manage and close their estate, I no longer want to take care of anyone else. It’s like a switch flipped, and I’m no longer willing to set myself on fire for everyone else to be warm. I'm trying to balance who I was, where I am and what I want to be long term. I want to find my compassion again, but it will take time.

I’ve also experienced a lot of regret and wishes for what I did or didn’t do with my parents. Should I have stayed the night? Picked that fight? Encouraged the honest, tough conversations more? These questions linger, but I’ve learned to give myself grace. Grief is as much about navigating the unknowns as it is about cherishing the memories and lessons left behind.

If you’re navigating your own grief journey, know this: there’s no “right” way to grieve. Your experience is valid, whether it aligns with societal expectations or not. Grief is as unique as the love that precedes it, and that’s okay.

Let’s Break the Myths Together

I’d love to hear from you. What misconceptions about grief have you encountered? How does your personal experience compare? By sharing our stories, we can help others feel less alone in their grief and build a community of understanding and support.